Actually about me!

I have had a lot of trouble posting lately mostly I think due to the fact of the name - everytime I see the name I cringe. It's not me, its not who I am! Beach babe huh!!! I prefer the beach at night when everything is calm and peaceful and the sun is shining over the ocean, my worst nightmare trip would be a trip to the Gold Coast - brown bodies, bikinis, crowds and sun - lots and lots of sun!!!!

So in true Bex style I am doing an about face and heading back to bex actually because I actually enjoyed being there and everything was actually about me!! I have also got to a point where some things have come up that I actually need to deal with before I can actually become a beach babe!

So back we go bex actually is back!!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABE!!!

He he married for five years!!! Aren't some serious crimes less time in jail!

Gosh five years - when I got married I was 94 kilos and looking back on the photos I looked like a cabbage patch bride doll!! Now I am 88.1 kilos and two kids later so I guess thats not too bad.

xxxxx

CONTRADICTIONS

Someone asked me the other day why I appeared to keep contradiciting myself when it came to the food I was eating - one day say I was going to stop 'dieting' and just eat what I felt my body wanted until I was full, a few days later doing no count, then south beach then back to points. My first thought was OMG I am a dieting and food whore and I will always fail but you know what after thinking about it I realise that finding something that works for you is all part of the journey and every day you may feel that something different is needed for that day. I know around TOM if I try and stick to no count or eat what I want I will crash and burn in a flamin glory of mint chip chocolate and mini pams eclairs but if I just ease myself through the day and have points for a couple of treats I might just get there.

So yes sometimes I might sound that I a contradicting myself and change what I do from day to day but this is a personal journey and I am just looking for what feels right for me at the time - I figure as long as I am moving onward and hopefully the scales are moving downward I will always be trying new things.

Missing Link!

After more than 10 years of dieting and exercising, losing, gaining and do overs, I am again in the same place - the place of falling of the wagon after only a really short time and not sure why. Reading other blogs the girls are amazing they just get on and do it and most of them have so far to go but nothing seems to stop them. Me pissing around just seems pathetic and self indulgent but I am unsure how to get going. Maybe I am to into the instant gratification that food brings - most of the time I eat because I am tired or just want some time out and at that point in time just having some 'me' time is more important than losing the weight. Hey isn't it funny how writing you suddenly have a light bulb moment - I need to start looking after me first and taking me time!!! Well now I have something to go away and think about!! WW weigh in day tomorrow - not looking forward to it but hiding at home isn't going to change the result.

Onward and downward for the new month (25 days till my birthday!!!)

TRIP TO THE BEACH!

On Sunday (24 Sep) I began phase 1 of the South Beach diet. Why? After spending a few days reading my old blog I realised that I was totally lost - yes I want to be able to eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full, to never 'diet' again, to not yo-yo but also I really want to lose weight, I want to look good naked!!! and I want to be around to see my kids grow up - without weight issues. Studies have shown that the mum is the most influential person when it comes to how the children eat and what choices they make, if the mum is fit and healthy then high chances the children will grow up to be fit, healthy and, most importantly, have a positive relationship with food. Hey, I also have my sisters wedding in four months and I DO NOT want to be the fat older matronly sister!!!

I am up to day five and I must admit I feel sooooo much better - I knew I had a problem with carbs and to actually see that I can live without them and not crave them is soooo cool. I don't feel like I am obsessing about food - I know what food I can have in this phase and thats that - no trying to squeeze the last points out for the chocolate bar or saying I will spend the points now and make up for them later. Being summer helps of course - couldn't imagine trying to eat salads on a cold winter night.

So here to summer and here's to being a M.I.L.F at the beach this summer!!